Headline

I'm a paragraph. Click here to add your own text and edit me. I'm a great place for you to tell your story and let your visitors know a little more about you.

Headline

I'm a paragraph. Click here to add your own text and edit me. I'm a great place for you to tell your story and let your visitors know a little more about you.

Wednesday 26th july,17

so here's a little paragraph of who I am or not I never have known who I am really but here goes.

I'm a mum to four girls which is the best part of my life I'm 30 something and not had a great time of it so far no this is not a pitty party its fact! I don't do sympathy or shit like that, I've been on top I've been in the gutter and just always stood strong even when I thought I would never see another day but here I am I suffer with all sorts of mental health conditions and chronic illnesses live off all types if meds that I hate but in a way my heart still beats so that's a plus will continue in a bit but this is a start.

3 September 17

OK so I've not written anything on my blog since I started it in July, not because I didn't want but because I couldn't. How could I when in truth I don't know myself I'm feeling more distant from life than I ever have and this part of my life has been good even though its still has shit really I suppose I'm greatful for what I do have rather than not I mean ,I have three adult daughters and one 15 yo and a man I love dearly and my mum and brothers who I brought up from when I was 12 I love them all so much.

So now that's said you can see why I'm holding on by my finger tips to stay strong,but what if inside its a different matter I wake in absolute agony because of fibromyalgia if you know then you know! I've had a permanent headache since 17/10/11 my brain hemmoraged due to a anurism my youngest daughter and I was alone at the time I'd just been told I had fibro so tjouggt it was a bad flair but all I rember was my girl begging to let her get help and telling her it will be fine,but it wasn't some how I held onto life again and managed a call to my mum saying I can't get her to school my mum realised straight away something wasn't right and got here asap but I was slipping away this was a Monday morning I felt the the bleed start have sex on the Friday very rare thing called a cutus hemmorage it still took from Monday to Wednesday to have brain surgery because my hospital are twats and missed my bleed till Tuesday am then needed to to transfer to Jr hospital for surgery three ambulance later I arrive in oxford I kept myself alive by not staying still anyway that's how I've been told I don't really have much recollection my Mr was there he was told if I survive if! I won't be who I was before and I'd be lucky to be mobile has the bleed was going into my spine. I remember going into a MRI then I rember my body lost all control there was a flash of something but I'm not sure the next thing I know I'm coming round to the love of my life sitting there white has a ghost waiting to see what was next the first I said was I'm alive then when I get out of here I'm doing a parachute jump the smile on his face shocked me I had know clue what really was going on I was so scared but I had survived all my life to the point a judge in a court a few years earlief said I don't understand how you are still alive with all you have been through all your life I was 22 then I was being sent to live with a psychologist for three months and even he had never met someone like me I still don't get why to this day, anyway back to this shit brain of mine,over the next couple of weeks showed the damage it had done my right side was numb but usable I was having fits but something else but I couldn't put my finger on it I really couldn't,by that point I had lots of intervention on my mental health for 22 years but this was different in the way I feel this feels bad but what anger,rage grief,scared I don't know I still don't but what I can tell you I've always had a bit of a front say what I need to fight back if I had to and believe me I knew when to stop but now what's inside of me black its awful,I have no fear and when I say no fear nothing even when I know I should be scared I'm not 

I'm a paragraph. Click here to add your own text and edit me. I'm a great place for you to tell your story and let your visitors know a little more about you.
I'm a paragraph. Click here to add your own text and edit me. I'm a great place for you to tell your story and let your visitors know a little more about you.